


If You Only Knew

by brokencasbutt67



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Asexual Beelzebub (Good Omens), Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fallen Angel Gabriel (Good Omens), Fluff, Kissing, Love Letters, M/M, Nightmares, Other, Running Away, Spooning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28598061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokencasbutt67/pseuds/brokencasbutt67
Summary: This was commissioned.My heart hurts as I read it again, because my god I love it.The title is the Shinedown song, and it references the lyrics.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub & Gabriel (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ineffable lawr (LawrVert)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LawrVert/gifts).



The relationship between Beelzebub is a strange one, to say the least, a tale of Romeo and Juliet no less. But they love each other, they’re happy together and they wouldn’t change a thing – in spite of the fact that the relationship is a secret from the people around them.

Gabriel’s fall from Heaven made it a perfect time to reach out an olive branch to Aziraphale and Crowley. Aziraphale was more accepting of Gabriel, especially given the circumstances upon which Gabriel appeared _. He’d fallen from Heaven. Beaten, bruised, and bloody, he staggered across London to the bookshop that he knows so well. He got some weird looks, and he heard several people calling the emergency services, not that they could provide much help._

An angel losing their wings is something entirely unheard of to humans, it’s pure agony and it’s near impossible to heal. Only an angel, or demon, can heal it.

Aziraphale had taken Gabriel into the bookshop, made him a pot of hot cocoa while he patched up the wounds on Gabriel’s back, asking no questions of the cause of the fall. _He must know how painful it is._ While Aziraphale was tending to Gabriel, Crowley was brooding away in the corner, watching Gabriel like a hawk. Of course, deep down, Crowley understands what Gabriel is going through. It doesn’t make him any less wary though.

Gabriel took a few days to settle on Earth, though that is to be expected after several millennia of running Heaven, alone. With some support from Aziraphale, Gabriel settled and the flat above the bookshop became his home.

They both knew of the risks and how high they were: one wrong move and both of them would be dead. Combined with his fall, it meant that it had been weeks since Gabriel has seen Beelzebub, and they’re likely to be waiting for a while longer.

But Gabriel longed for their arms around him. He’d spent so long in Heaven, as the militaristic leader who couldn’t have any form of touching. Being unable to have this touching after he’d had it for a while, which was hurting Gabriel more than his fall. 

And he fell, for giving in to his desire, _Beelzebub_. But he wouldn’t change his life for the world, _or Heaven_. So when Beelzebub appeared at the door of the bookshop, one rainy night, with a bag of food in their hand, the smile on Gabriel’s face shone brighter than the Christmas lights in the shops nearby.

It didn’t take long for Beelzebub to spend most nights in the flat with Gabriel. _There’s a double bed,_ after all, _it’s cold without someone else there._

Of course, Aziraphale and Crowley didn’t know of this change in the flat. They’d made Crowley’s flat their permanent home for a few weeks, until they moved to their own home a short distance from London.

Somehow, the relationship stayed hidden from everyone around them, even when Aziraphale was downstairs in the bookshop, serving customers, _or willing them away with a miracle._

Gabriel knew that his fall would be difficult to cope with. He’d seen how it affected Crowley, how easily he had fallen into sin and subsequently Hell. Gabriel had managed to get on top of that, but he hadn’t anticipated the effect it would have on his mental health.

He has nightmares, regularly. Sleep is a wonderful thing if it’s a night of restful sleep. The restless nights of sleep that Gabriel gets are far from wonderful. He wakes up in a cold sweat, his hands shaking and tears threatening to spill as he sits up.

Those nights when Beelzebub is here, those are some of the better nights. They reach over, stroke their fingers over his skin until he’s coming back to reality. They curl up under his arms, partaking in idle pillow talk until they’re both falling back to sleep _together_.

Gabriel longs to have those days more often. Waking up alone is something that he really doesn’t enjoy. He loves the feeling of Beelzebub in his arms, curled up under him as they sleep. He loves the feeling of holding someone, holding _them._ After so long of not having any form of comforting touches, those sporadic nights are still enough for Gabriel. Of course, he would love to have more, he always would. But Beelzebub isn’t quite ready yet. And that’s fine.

They have too much at risk anyway. Hell only has to catch wind of the relationship and Beelzebub will be cast from Hell, _or worse._ Gabriel doesn’t want them to go through any more hurt. Now that he knows the agony of a fall, and he knows what Beelzebub went through, he doesn’t want to put them through any more hurt, even if it inadvertently hurts himself.

Gabriel will be forever grateful to Aziraphale and Crowley for taking him in as they did, especially given that Gabriel didn’t deserve such support after what he put them through. But they took him in, and he owes his life to them.

But when Aziraphale informs him that he and Crowley will be coming to stay in the other room, Gabriel really wishes he still wasn’t here. Of course, he’s not in a position to get himself steady on his feet yet, so getting his own home is damn near impossible. He doesn’t know much of human interactions, the weird quirks that they have always leave him with more questions than answers.

Of course, when Aziraphale had informed Gabriel that they were coming to stay, they at least had the sense to give Gabriel some notice. _A week._

Gabriel told Beelzebub as soon as he knew about it, and they made a plan that they would spend the week together, before Aziraphale and Crowley’s arrival. Of course, that would mean that for the week they’re here, Gabriel has a _backlog of affection,_ so to speak. In spite of this, he knows that somewhere around the second day, he’ll long for their arms around him again.

But Beelzebub doesn’t want to be open in the relationship, and it’s entirely understandable. They were in a relationship with Gabriel, long ago, when Bee was an angel. Gabriel can’t quite remember their name, his name for them has always been _my love._ He remembers their hair though, a striking white to match their pale skin.

They were inquisitive, loving, kind and caring. They were perfect. _They still are perfect._ They accepted their love for each other, even going so far as to be affectionate in front of other angels. God responded in cruelty, forcing Beelzebub’s fall.

Gabriel’s tough outer shell comes from fear. Fear of God, fear of falling and fear of so much more that he can’t put into words. So Gabriel understands why they don’t want to be open in the relationship yet. And it’s fine.

It’s just that he longs for their touch as soon as they’ve left.

The week before the arrival of Aziraphale and Crowley consisted of cuddling on the sofa, in the bed, in the bathtub, even in the kitchen. Just about anywhere that they could stand, they would cuddle.

Of course, Gabriel had a number of nightmares during this time, though he had Beelzebub to keep him sane and calm.

The third night of the week has found Gabriel and Beelzebub laid side by side in bed. They’ve traced each other’s skin under soft fingertips, finding the curves and the bumps that they both love so much.

Beelzebub’s skin is soft beneath Gabriel’s fingers, it’s a feeling he never wants to forget, or lose. His eyes have been trained on Beelzebub’s for a while, in a clash of purple and blue. His eyes have always captured Beelzebub. They hold so much love, so much hurt, so much fear and so much that they can’t place. Gabriel is an enigma for Beelzebub, though they wouldn’t change him, or try to decipher him. They love to see the inner workings of his mind. _They love him._

“Dove…” They murmur, though they’re not quite sure what they’re going to say. _Maybe they just need to say it, to know that he’s real, he’s here and he’s not going anywhere._

Beelzebub brings their attention back to reality, smiling to see Gabriel is staring right back. Leaning up, they press a soft kiss to his lips. It leaves them breathless, chasing each other for more, and yet, they pull back. Beelzebub often pauses the making out, and Gabriel is okay with it. Those nights where Beelzebub does let it go further, those are Gabriel’s favourite nights.

Of course, sex is off the table. Gabriel is fine with that; he sees no purpose to it anyway. _Who wants to get naked and sweaty with someone else? Cuddling is much more preferable._ And Beelzebub has never found the act of sex appealing in any way. Of course, they have received the usual comments from some lowly demons, _find the right guy and you’re sorted._

But they don’t want sex, and they don’t want _the right guy._ They have the right guy; he’s walking perfection and Beelzebub wouldn’t change this relationship for a thing. The fact that Gabriel doesn’t care for sex is only an added bonus for Beelzebub.

“What’s on your mind, bee?” Gabriel asks, stroking his thumb over their cheek. Beelzebub leans into the touch, a small smile on their face.

“Nothing…” They murmur, leaning up to press a soft kiss to Gabriel’s lips.

“Only how perfect you are…” They chuckle, letting the kiss deepen again. Gabriel smiles into the kiss, letting Beelzebub dominate it. They’re straddling his hips before Gabriel has the sense of mind to stop it.

“Thank you, dove” They murmur, shifting to lay on their side again. Gabriel smiles and presses a soft kiss to the back of their ear.

“You say I’m perfect…” He whispers.

“But I have to say, you’re perfect too” He adds. Beelzebub flushes red, hiding their face in Gabriel’s chest. He chuckles lightly, stroking his fingers down their back, with a small smile on his face.

“’m not…” They mumble. Gabriel frowns, stroking his hands down their back for a moment longer. He shifts slightly, nudging them back until his eyes can meet theirs. _He’s always known of their self-esteem issues, the hatred that they hold for themself. He always tries to help, though he does sometimes struggle to find the right words. They understand though, and they appreciate him for even trying. Most people would leave if someone was behaving how Beelzebub does._

“You are, my love” Gabriel murmurs. He presses his lips against their forehead for a brief moment, before shifting to kneel above them. Beelzebub wants to run and hide; they hate being the centre of attention. Gabriel has been insistent though; he wants to show them how much he loves them. Of course, he’d stop if Beelzebub asked. They don’t ask him to stop though.

They shift slightly, watching as Gabriel presses a soft kiss to their lips. They melt into the kiss, their hand sliding up to Gabriel’s hair. He moans slightly, though before they can indulge themself further, Gabriel is parting the kiss. Beelzebub pouts, clearly wanting to continue to kiss Gabriel.

He chuckles slightly, pressing a soft kiss to their lips again.

“I love you” He murmurs.

“As the sun rises, and the sun sets. Now and forever” He continues. Beelzebub inhales, trying to hold back some of their tears.

“Whether it rains or shines, regardless of where we are” He murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to their cheek.

“No matter what anyone else thinks” Beelzebub no longer tries to hold back their tears. They spill over their cheeks, though the sobs remain silent.

“Forever and always, it is you that I love, as you are” He promises. Beelzebub pulls Gabriel into a tight hug, with tears flowing freely. Gabriel strokes his fingers down their spine, with a few tears in his own eyes.

“My love…” He whispers.

“Don’t ever think that I love you any less, for any reason” He states. Beelzebub nods, squeezing Gabriel in their arms. He holds them tighter in his arms, pressing a soft kiss to the side of their head. They nod, though they’re not entirely sure what they’re nodding for.

They don’t really care either. Gabriel is here, in their arms and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Nothing that Heaven or Hell could give would tempt either of them away from this relationship.

It’s something so new to the pair, even though they have a history together. It’s so unique, and special, it’s something that can never be matched, ever. Not that they want to try to find something to replace the love that they hold for each other.

Gabriel brings his attention back down to Beelzebub.

“Are we going to be okay…?” They ask. Gabriel knows what they mean.

“I think so” He responds. Beelzebub nods, reaching up to cup his cheek. In spite of the tears flowing freely, they’re both smiling.

“I love you” They murmur, brushing some of the tears from Gabriel’s cheek, though it’s rather futile. It always brings him to tears when they say _those three words._ It’s a rarity in the relationship. Beelzebub has never truly felt comfortable enough to say them, _they’re scared of their own feelings._

“I love you too, my dear, so very much” Gabriel promises. Beelzebub nods, tracing the pad of their thumb over Gabriel’s lips for a moment. In response, he lifts their hand and presses a soft kiss to their fingers.

The bubble of love that’s emanating from this flat, above a bookshop, in Soho, it encompasses London and beyond. Aziraphale is sure to notice it, and where it’s coming from too. _That doesn’t mean that Gabriel and Beelzebub care though._

For them both, the only thing that matters is each other, and how they truly feel for each other. It’s something that they both find difficult to put into words. They feel like no words are ever going to be adequate enough. _If you only knew._


	2. Chapter 2

When Aziraphale arrives, late in the Saturday afternoon, Gabriel is lounging on the sofa with a book in his hands about computers. Following his newfound mortality, he decided to explore some of the human’s creations, starting with the internet and computers, which have taken the world by storm.

The knock at the door pulls him from his thoughts. He looks over, a slight sigh. Beelzebub left a while back, somewhere around an hour ago he thinks. He puts a marker on the page, before putting the book on the table and going to greet the pair.

Aziraphale is rather chipper, a direct contrast against the gloomy British weather. Aziraphale and Crowley walk into the flat, and Aziraphale inspects the flat for a moment, looking around. Gabriel’s heart sinks lightly. _Can he see everything that’s happened here?_

Of course, he can’t. That’s not possible. Aziraphale is only checking to make sure that everything in the flat is in order. Crowley sends a small smile to Gabriel, though they partake in no conversation together. It’s still progress though. It took Crowley a long time to even acknowledge Gabriel’s fall, and Gabriel is certain that Aziraphale had some influence in that.

Gabriel watches as Aziraphale sits on the sofa, with Crowley sitting beside him. Gabriel sits on the armchair, flicking open his book again.

“Oh, what’s in this box?” Aziraphale asks, gesturing to a small box on the shelf beneath the coffee table.

“Oh, heh, nothing to worry about, Aziraphale. It’s just some personal effects from when I was in Heaven” Gabriel chuckles. He takes the box and hides it in the bedroom, though he already knows that it’s too late, and it’s piqued the interest of Aziraphale and Crowley. The box holds the countless letters shared between Beelzebub throughout the ages. There are letters from the first relationship, before the fall; there are letters when they were leaders of Heaven and Hell; there are letters of their trysts, the ones that led to Gabriel’s fall and so many more.

The entirety of the relationship between Gabriel and Beelzebub, spanning for the last 6 millennia and beyond, lives inside of this box. Gabriel _really_ doesn’t want Aziraphale or Crowley to see inside of it. It reveals some of his deepest desires, his insecurities, his secrets, his love for Beelzebub, and so much more.

“I propose that we go for some afternoon tea,” Aziraphale says, looking between Gabriel and Crowley for a moment. Gabriel gives a slight shrug, he’s indifferent. He just wants to have Beelzebub in his arms.

Sitting in The Ritz, Gabriel feels rather stifled. Everyone is all posh and fancy. Gabriel’s only experience with these people was less than pleasant. He and Beelzebub had been out on an afternoon walk, he can’t quite remember where they’d gone. They were walking along a path, when someone had passed them.

Gabriel can remember them clearly: he was a businessman, wearing a suit, he looked down on them both. Of course, Gabriel was wearing his shirt and tie, as he often would. Beelzebub was wearing their usual outfit, and they didn’t look like a commonplace relationship. If anything, they looked more like a father and his rogue teenage child.

They’d made their way through the streets when they encountered this man. He’d made some comment, something about Gabriel being a _nonce_ , though Gabriel didn’t know what that word means, and neither did Beelzebub. When they returned home, they searched it on the internet and the results were far from what was expected. _Gabriel is not a sex offender!_

Since then, Gabriel has always been wary of people in suits and their attitudes. Of course, Beelzebub was rather unaffected by the comments. Gabriel, on the other hand, wasn’t. It hurt him, to know that people see Beelzebub as a lesser to him.

Some of the people appear to be pleasant people though. He’s had a few people compliment his appearance, though none of those people could ever match how Beelzebub makes him feel. As the day progresses into the evening, the conversation continues to flow between the trio until eventually, they return to the flat.

They chat for a while, on the sofa. The conversation switches topics regularly, though it doesn’t make a difference. The conversation has never flowed this well between them, especially not while Aziraphale and Gabriel were both in Heaven. If anything, Gabriel’s fall and Aziraphale’s expulsion has only made their friendship excel.

The moon is standing high when Crowley stretches out on the sofa. Only looking at Crowley, Gabriel can tell that he’s a snake in his true form. A few words are shared between Aziraphale and Crowley for a moment, before they share a soft kiss and Crowley is making his way off to bed.

Aziraphale follows shortly after, with the promise that they would do something tomorrow morning, though Gabriel has no interest in the things that Aziraphale suggests. The more time he spends with them though, the more time that he’s not longing for Beelzebub to be in his arms.

And the sooner that time passes, the sooner he can have Beelzebub back in his arms.

Until then, Gabriel can only sleep until the morning comes. He locks up the flat, letting out a sad sigh as he looks to the sofa. _Only 24 hours ago, we were sat there, making out. I was happy._

Gabriel shakes the thoughts away _._ Instead, he makes his way to the bedroom. He changes into his sweatpants, tossing his clothing aside. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Gabriel looks over to the window. Beelzebub always has a fascination for the moon. He doesn’t know where it came from, but he won’t knock them for it.

It helps at times like these. Looking up at the moon, he doesn’t feel so alone for a few minutes.

Eventually, he lays back on the bed and tries to settle for the night. It’s a restless sleep, and by 4 am, he’s wide awake. He pulls over his notepad and pen. He can see the indents of letters previously written, all of the words that he has shared with Beelzebub throughout the ages. _Words of love, words of hate and so many more._

He writes, he’s not sure what he writes, but he writes.

“It’s 4:03, and I can’t sleep without you next to me. If I drown tonight, bring me back to life”

The words don’t make any sense to Gabriel, but he continues to write.

“ _The only thing that I still believe in is you, if you only knew”_

The pen falls aside as he screws the paper up, tossing it to the floor. _Not good enough._ He sits back, pulling the duvet over himself as he tries to fall asleep.

It’s the first night, there’s another 6 to go. Six long, lonely nights without Beelzebub here to keep him warm, or sane. He can only hope that there’s no nightmares during the time. He knows though, that inevitably, he’ll have nightmares. They’re a daily occurrence at this point, and Gabriel isn’t sure how much longer he can handle them.


	3. Chapter 3

The nights are long and cold. Gabriel knew that it would be difficult to go for this long without having Beelzebub in his arms, he’d expected that much. He didn’t realise it would be _this_ difficult though.

It’s two in the morning. Gabriel has struggled to fall asleep every night, but tonight has been so much harder. He’s tossed and turned for a few hours, until eventually he climbed out of bed and made his way to the kitchen.

He’d gotten himself a drink of water, and now he’s stood here staring at the wall. He’s cold, he’s lonely, and he’s tired. Aziraphale and Crowley aren’t due to leave for at least another three days, which is three days too long for Gabriel.

His nightmares are getting harder and harder to cope with. He tries to think of happier times, of times when Beelzebub was an angel, in the hopes that it would make his nightmares disappear. It hasn’t worked though.

He still has these nightmares; he still wakes up in a cold sweat to an empty bed. He longs to have Beelzebub back in his arms, to hold them close and calm himself with their scent. They’ve always been able to calm Gabriel, no matter what has been going on in their lives. He’s not even sure how they manage to calm him so much, yet they do. 

Letting out a shaky sigh, Gabriel looks over to the sofa. Images of Beelzebub in his lap as they make out fill his mind, playing as a movie would. He looks down to the glass of water and shakes his head.

“Bee…” He murmurs. He goes back to the bedroom with the glass of water. Easing out the cardboard box, he pulls out some of the letters they’ve shared over the years. He tries to read them, but he can’t keep his mind focused long enough to read them. A few tears drip from his cheeks, images of his fall flickering through his mind again. The voices in his head are getting louder and louder, he can hear the calls of angels against him. There’s a slight ticking in the room, it’s too loud. Gabriel tries to silence it, covering his ears with a pillow, but it only gets louder. _He needs to get away._

He puts the letters back in the box, placing it behind him on the bed. He pulls a sweatshirt and shoes on, before leaving the flat. The moon is high in the sky, it’s highlighting the damp cobblestone streets and puddles. He walks.

Step after step, mile after mile, he walks. He has no destination in mind. He hasn’t considered anything. Only that he needs to get away from everything that’s going on in his own mind. The streets are silent, even the taxi cabs are silent. Gabriel isn’t sure what time it is. He doesn’t care.

His legs are beginning to ache, he’s never walked this far in his life. But he’s continuing, he isn’t going to stop walking until he can walk no more. And then, he’ll crawl until he can go no further.

He needs to get away from here, from the world that kicks him down for his love. He can remember, long before the humans were commonplace. God was encouraging love. She wanted all of the angels to love each other, and everyone else. But the love between Gabriel and Beelzebub was forbidden.

Gabriel never found out why God had cast Beelzebub for their love. He’d never queried it – having seen the effect of asking too much on Crowley. He didn’t want to risk causing his own fall to ask about a love that Beelzebub had probably forgotten about already.

The sun is rising, the birds are chirping. Gabriel doesn’t want to think of the light. It reminds him of Heaven. He doesn’t want to give any attention to Heaven, not after everything that they’ve done to him, and how much they’ve ruined his life. But he wouldn’t change anything either; he loves Beelzebub too much, and they love him just as much back.

Gabriel wouldn’t change his life for a thing. Nothing in this world, or beyond, could ever match the love that Beelzebub has. Gabriel’s legs can’t carry on, they give way beneath him. He falls to the floor, landing in a puddle of mud. He can feel it staining his sweatpants, seeping through the thin fabric to his knees. The voices in his head are louder, as though they’re getting closer. He knows that Heaven won’t come for him now, there’s nothing that Heaven could do to harm him – other than death.

Sometimes Gabriel thinks that death would be enough. He wouldn’t be tormented by Heaven and the voices in his head. _But Beelzebub._ The voice of reason, though quiet, is there to remind Gabriel that he does have a reason to live, in spite of everything else that is going on in his world.

The world is loud around him, he holds his head in his hands in the hopes that it’ll get quiet, even for just a moment. _It doesn’t._

* * *

Morning rolls around and Aziraphale is the first to waken. He climbs out of bed, ready to go and greet Gabriel. The door is open though; wide open, even blowing in a breeze. Fear fills Aziraphale. He knocks on the door to Gabriel’s bedroom.

No response. He eases the door open, not knowing what to expect.

It’s not this though.

It’s empty.

Aziraphale’s eyes fall to the box on the bed. _I can’t snoop. He said it’s personal._

“Angel?” Crowley’s sleep filled voice fills the flat. Aziraphale turns to him, a fond smile falling onto his face.

“Good morning, dear” Aziraphale says. He makes his way over to Crowley, embracing him in a tight hug. Crowley smiles slightly.

“Where’s Wankwings?” Crowley asks. Aziraphale shakes his head.

“His name is Gabriel, and I’m afraid that I don’t quite know. I woke up only a few minutes ago myself” Aziraphale admits. He looks over to the door, and then to the bedroom.

“Should I be worried?” Aziraphale asks, biting his lip slightly. He goes over to close the door, before turning to Crowley.

“Angel, we should probably give it a few minutes. For all we know, he could have just gone to the shop for some milk” Crowley responds, _always the voice of reason._

“I suppose that you could be correct. We should give it some time” Aziraphale says. Crowley nods. He presses a soft kiss to the side of Aziraphale’s head, before going to flick the kettle on. Aziraphale lets out a nervous sigh, though he knows that Crowley is correct.

As the morning passes, Aziraphale’s worry doesn’t lessen. If anything, it rises as the time passes. _He should be home by now._

“I’m rather worried now, Crowley. Maybe we should go and see if there’s anything in the bedroom that would suggest where he is” Aziraphale ponders, though he’s already going off towards the other bedroom.

“I don’t think I have much of a choice in this, angel” Crowley chuckles, though he willingly follows Aziraphale.

The bedroom is a mess. It’s dark and dingy, clothing is littering the floor. The bed isn’t made, though that suggests that Gabriel left rather abruptly, _whenever he did leave_.

“Oh dear, I’m not seeing anything that would suggest things” Aziraphale admits. Crowley shifts to sit on the edge of the bed, looking through the papers in the box.

“Crowley! We shouldn’t look through those” Aziraphale scolds, though it’s evident that he’s wanted to read them since he’d first been made aware of them.

“Although… maybe there’s something in here that would give a hint as to where he’s gone” Aziraphale says. Crowley chuckles, shifting to create some space on the bed for Aziraphale beside him.

Crowley hands a letter to Aziraphale, who immediately unfolds it. His eyes fall to the words. They’re all words that he knows, yet they feel so foreign to his eyes. He hasn’t been able to determine who sent this, though there’s talk of Hell in here.

“I recognise that writing” Crowley exclaims. Aziraphale frowns, his eyes meeting Crowley’s as he waits for him to continue.

“Yes, that’s the writing of the bloody Duke of Hell, Lord Beelzebub” He explains. Aziraphale’s eyes widen.

“Excuse me” He says, though he isn’t entirely sure what he’s expecting.

“These letters, they’re between Gabriel and Beelzebub” Crowley states. Aziraphale nods. He reads one of the letters with the new found information, and it all makes sense.

“Maybe he’s with them” Crowley suggests. Aziraphale shrugs.

“I don’t know, we should probably check to be certain though” He adds. Crowley nods.

“C’mon then, we can’t be in here if we summon them” Crowley stands up, putting some of the letters back in the box.

“And how the hell do we explain it to them” He asks, turning to Aziraphale. The angel shrugs in response.

“I’m sure I could think of something” Aziraphale says. He sits the letter back in the box, leaving the bedroom in the state it was in. He and Crowley go back to the dining area of the flat, and sit at the table. A few moments pass in silence before Beelzebub appears before them.

“Traitor…” They state, sending a slight glare to Crowley.

“M’lord” Crowley responds.

“What have you summoned me here for?” They ask.

“Oh, well actually, that was me!” Aziraphale says. Beelzebub gives a disinterested look to Aziraphale.

“I was wondering if you had seen Gabriel. He seems to have disappeared” Aziraphale asks. Beelzebub frowns. For a brief moment, fear fills their eyes, though it’s replaced a moment later.

“Why would I have seen him?” They ask.

“Well…” Aziraphale trailed off. Crowley shakes his head.

“Anyway, thank you, m’lord” Crowley says, before anything can go amiss.

“No, tell me why you summoned me to ask _that_ ” They order. Crowley looks to Aziraphale, _he can lead it._

“Well, I was…” Aziraphale trails off. Beelzebub raises an eyebrow, looking pointedly at the pair.

“I was searching for something that would suggest where Gabriel could be. As you know, he wasn’t here when we awoke. Of course, Crowley had suggested that he could possibly have gone to the shops. That was several hours ago though, and he has not returned. I decided to see if there was anything in his bedroom that would suggest where he is” Aziraphale explains. He looks to the floor for a moment, though Crowley takes his attention as he goes to make a drink.

“And?” Beelzebub prompts Aziraphale, who nods slightly.

“I found some letters between yourself and Gabriel. It was a rather wholesome tale, I must say, a tale of star crossed loves to say the least” Aziraphale lets a small smile on his face as he thinks of some of the letters that he’d seen. It felt like an invasion of privacy, but those letters would sell as a hit novel.

“Well, I’m sad to say that I haven’t seen him. I’ll let you know if I do though” They comment, trying to hide the hurt in their eyes. Aziraphale sees it though.

“Would you mind helping us search?” Aziraphale asks. He hopes that it’ll make it easier for himself and Crowley to search for Gabriel, while also letting them both know that they approve of the relationship. Beelzebub sighs, lifting their wrist to see the watch that appeared only a moment ago.

“I suppose” They comment. Aziraphale smiles slightly, before looking to Crowley.

“Do we know of anywhere that Gabriel goes?” He asks, looking between Crowley and Beelzebub.

“Not a clue, angel. You probably know more than me” Crowley chuckles. Aziraphale nods, though it doesn’t help much.

“Nope” Beelzebub appears rather emotionless. Of course, Aziraphale knows that they’re far from it. He can _hear_ their fear.

“Well, I propose that we do some searching. I can probably locate a smaller area than what we currently have” Aziraphale chuckles. Beelzebub nods.

“I’ll wait here” They murmur, biting their thumb slightly. Aziraphale nods.

“Don’t worry, we will get him home safe” Aziraphale promises. He hopes that it calms Beelzebub, though he’s not sure if it does.

Turning to Crowley, Aziraphale raises his eyebrows.

“Are you ready, dear?” Aziraphale asks, taking Crowley’s hand as they disappear from the room.

They appear in a park. They don’t know where they are – only that the line of trees surrounding them is thick and dark. Aziraphale turns to Crowley.

“Well, I guess we begin. We’ll be here for a while though” Aziraphale chuckles, looking around. Crowley nods.

“He’s that way” He comments, pointing in a random direction. Aziraphale chuckles and shakes his head.

“I don’t think he is, but we’ll start there” Aziraphale responds. Crowley smiles and squeezes Aziraphale’s hand as they begin to make their way through the forest. Aziraphale calls out for Gabriel, though he hears nothing in response.

* * *

They’ve been out here for hours now. The sun is beginning to set, the rain has eased. The ground is still damp beneath their feet though. Aziraphale continues to walk forward, though he stops upon realising that Crowley has stopped.

“Uhh… Angel?” Crowley says, looking pointedly aside. Aziraphale follows Crowley’s line of sight. He can see a figure on the floor, wearing the same grey sweatpants that Gabriel had been wearing the night before.

They’re laid out, whoever it is. There’s nothing that suggests that he’s even alive, but Aziraphale knows that he needs to go and investigate; _even if it’s not Gabriel, it’s someone’s loved one. They deserve to know._

Aziraphale wanders over, his heart in his throat as he grips Crowley’s hand. They take the final few steps to stand over the body.

“It’s him, angel” Crowley comments, his eyes trained on Gabriel’s head. Aziraphale nods, shifting to squat beside Gabriel. Reaching down, Aziraphale presses his fingers to Gabriel’s pulse point. There’s a pulse, though it’s a weak pulse. Gabriel shifts under his touch; a smile falls on Aziraphale’s face. _At least he’s alive._

“Gabriel…?” Aziraphale says softly, brushing a thumb over Gabriel’s cheek. He rouses under Aziraphale’s touch.

“Are you okay?” Aziraphale asks, watching as Gabriel shifts, though he’s still not awake.

“Angel, you might wanna give him a few minutes to wake up… He might need some assistance” Crowley comments. Aziraphale nods, shifting to stand up to give Gabriel some space.

It takes a few minutes, but eventually, Gabriel sits up. He’s zoned out, there are a few injuries, but he’s alive, he’s here and he’s safe, if only damp. Aziraphale smiles slightly, feeling rather fulfilled for finding Gabriel alive.

Eventually, Gabriel looks up to Aziraphale and sighs.

“Are you okay, Gabriel?” Aziraphale asks. Gabriel shrugs, though he says nothing in response. Aziraphale gives somewhat of a warm smile, holding his hand out for Gabriel. After a few moments, Gabriel takes the hand and stands up.

“I suppose we should go home then” He comments, entirely emotionless. Aziraphale nods, though he says nothing as they all make their way out of the forest. Aziraphale has so many things that he wants to say, yet he can’t find the words to say them.

He doesn’t say anything, instead of saying something and risking messing it all up. He’ll find something eventually, and hopefully those words won’t upset Gabriel, or ruin the relationship between Gabriel and Beelzebub. _It is a cute relationship._


	4. Chapter 4

The door to the flat is barely opened before Beelzebub is there, waiting expectantly for an answer to the countless questions about Gabriel that they have. Aziraphale steps aside and Gabriel’s eyes widen when he sees them in front of them. Beelzebub smiles widely, pulling Gabriel into a tight hug.

Gabriel lets out a shaky breath as he relaxes into the hug. His hands rest on Beelzebub’s shoulders as they back into the flat and close the door. Aziraphale and Crowley stand awkwardly a few feet away for a few moments, though they eventually go to the other bedroom to give the other couple some space.

“Gabriel” Beelzebub whispers. They trail their hand up to Gabriel’s cheek as they part the hug. Their eyes meet Gabriel’s. His purple eyes are filled with a deep-seated hurt that has Beelzebub hurting too. Gabriel shifts, looking down at the floor.

“I’m sorry” He whispers. Beelzebub reaches down to squeeze Gabriel’s hand tightly.

“Don’t be, dove…” They murmur. Leaning up, they press a soft kiss to Gabriel’s cheek before leading him through to the bedroom. Gabriel takes their hand in his own, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“When…. Why… I don’t know” Gabriel whispers. He has many questions, and yet, he doesn’t know how to make a functional sentence for any of them.

“Aziraphale and Crowley summoned me. They’d read some _letters_ ” Beelzebub admits. Gabriel frowns, looking over to the box. Beelzebub gives a small smile.

“For what it’s worth, I keep them all too” They murmur, a small smile on their face. Gabriel smiles slightly, reaching up to cup their cheek. He strokes his thumb over their nose, leaning forward to give a soft kiss.

“I’m sorry” He murmurs. Beelzebub shakes his head.

“Talk to me, dove” Beelzebub whispers. Gabriel looks down, shrugging slightly. _He can’t find the right words, as per usual._

“I was… everything was too much” He eventually whispers. Beelzebub nods, shifting until they’re facing each other.

“And I just… I couldn’t cope anymore” Gabriel whispers. Beelzebub squeezes Gabriel’s hand, looking down.

“I wrote a letter for you” Gabriel admits. Beelzebub raises their head slightly, looking expectantly to Gabriel. He stands up, finding the screwed up ball of paper on the floor. He unravels it, handing it to them.

“It’s not very… eloquent…” He says, sitting beside them.

“It was more of a brain vomit, so to speak” He chuckles. Beelzebub squeezes Gabriel’s knee as they read the words. Gabriel looks down to their hand for a moment, a small smile on his face as he reaches down to hold their hand in his own. _They’re warm._

“Dove…” Beelzebub whispers. Gabriel looks up, taken aback to find them looking at him through tear-filled eyes.

“Dove, I love you so much” They murmur, pulling him into a tight hug. Gabriel lets out a shaky breath as he hugs them tightly, a small smile on his face.

There are tears on both of their faces – fear, love, hurt, and so many more emotions have made this day somewhat of a rollercoaster for them both.

“I love you” Gabriel whispers, pressing his lips against the top of their head. Beelzebub nods, holding him tighter.

“When did you find out?” Gabriel asks, though he’s not entirely sure _what_ he’s asking. Beelzebub finds an answer though.

“I was summoned at noon” They respond.

“Aziraphale had been snooping, of course. They left to search for you not long after” They whisper.

“And you…?” Gabriel trails off. Again, he doesn’t know where he’s leading the topic of conversation. But after so long of not having Beelzebub here, _it’s only been a few days,_ any conversation is a good conversation.

“I stayed here, didn’t do much but I stayed here” They respond. Gabriel nods, smiling sadly. Beelzebub leans up to kiss him gently.

“C’mon, we should go to those two” Gabriel comments. He really doesn’t want to leave this moment, but he knows that he’ll have to eventually, it’s inevitable. Beelzebub nods, standing up. They hold their hand out for Gabriel. He looks between them and the floor for a few moments, before standing up and taking their hand.

“Thank you” He whispers. Beelzebub smiles slightly, pressing a soft kiss to the back of his hand.

“I love you” They respond, opening the door. Aziraphale and Crowley are sat on the sofa, as expected. Gabriel sends somewhat of a forced smile to them as he and Beelzebub move to sit on the other sofa. Gabriel watches as Beelzebub curls up at his side, resting their arm over his waist. Gabriel smiles down to them, stroking his fingers down their back for a few moments. It calms him to know that they’re here, and they don’t have to hide the relationship from people any more.

“So, Gabriel…” Aziraphale starts, with all of the eyes in the room falling on him. Crowley mutters something, though he’s hushed by Aziraphale only a moment later.

“I must say, you two make an adorable couple,” He says. Gabriel frowns, though he says nothing.

“Yes. A tale of two lovers torn apart by their very existence, yet you overcame the adversity and powered through to be the couple that you are today” He adds. Gabriel shares an awkward look with Beelzebub, though no one says anything.

“Okay, angel, I think they get it,” Crowley says, a slight chuckle.

“If you only knew” Gabriel murmurs, squeezing Beelzebub’s hand. Of course, it raises more questions, but they get ignored. Instead, the suggestion of ordering food has Aziraphale’s attention taken away from them. They eventually agree on some food, and while Aziraphale and Crowley place the order, Gabriel and Beelzebub decide to take a shower together.

Gabriel tugs his sweatshirt off, tossing it aside. Next is his tee, it lands in the hamper. Turning to Beelzebub, he’s surprised to be met with love-filled eyes.

“Bee…?” He whispers. Beelzebub pulls Gabriel into a tight hug.

“I love you, so damn much” They murmur, resting their head on his chest. Gabriel flushes red slightly.

“It’s as though you’re handcrafted by the Gods” They say, trailing their hands over Gabriel’s chest slightly. He flushes further, clearly not used to receiving so many compliments. _Though, he’s never been confident in his body. I really need to change that._ Beelzebub shakes away their thoughts, before bringing their attention back to Gabriel, who’s watching them intently.

“You’re perfect, in everything that you do, and the very being who you are…” Beelzebub murmurs. Gabriel shifts slightly, wanting to run and hide from their compliments. Beelzebub won’t let him though. They trail their fingers from Gabriel’s shoulders to his hips, though a moment later, their lips are trailing down, pressing soft kisses along the way.

Gabriel’s hands flex in his sweatpants for a moment. Beelzebub reaches up and takes Gabriel’s hands in their own. He smiles slightly, watching as they press a kiss to each of his fingers, followed by the palm of his hand.

“Bee…” Gabriel murmurs, though he’s not sure what he’s going to say. Beelzebub looks up, their eyes meet his again.

“You’re eyes, they’re like gemstones. I love your eyes. They calm the worst of storms, they bring me happiness when times are difficult, they’re a light in the dark… They’re a part of you, Gabriel” They murmur. Gabriel shifts slightly, pulling them into a tight hug to hide the tears that are welling in his eyes.

“Please, my angel, never for one minute think that I don’t love you,” They say. Gabriel nods as more tears stream from his eyes.

“You’re on my mind from the minute I leave this flat, I long to have you beside me, as much as you longed for me” They add, stroking their fingers through his hair. Beelzebub presses a soft kiss to the side of Gabriel’s forehead. He shifts slightly, stroking his fingers through their hair.

“Thankfully… We don’t have to hide us anymore” He chuckles slightly. The hurt is still there, underneath. Of course it is, but there’s a small smile on his face and Beelzebub can’t help but smile in response. They lean up and press a deep kiss to Gabriel’s lips, letting him lead it.

It gets heated, quickly. He lifts them up, wrapping their legs around his waist as the kiss gets deeper and deeper, until he’s pushing them against the door. Their mouth trails to Gabriel’s neck, leaving a small bruise for all to see, before kissing him again. Gabriel smiles into the kiss, though he’s parting it a moment later.

“Dove…” They murmur.

“I don’t want to push you, my love” Gabriel responds, panting slightly. Beelzebub smiles, pulling Gabriel into a tight hug.

“Thank you”


	5. Chapter 5

After the food is eaten, the two couples are relaxing in a bubble of love that encompasses London and beyond.

“I think I may retire to bed,” Aziraphale says, with a slight yawn. Gabriel looks down to Beelzebub, though his attention has been taken by them for a while anyway.

“Good night, to you both” Aziraphale says, with a small smile on his face as he walks away. _He’s happy for them!_

Crowley follows shortly after, though he isn’t so happy. He makes that much known about when he enters the bedroom.

 _“How come they can treat us like garbage but they’re fine!”_ He’d exclaimed.

 _“Crowley, my love, they went through the same motions as us, so long ago…”_ Aziraphale had replied.

Of course, Beelzebub and Gabriel didn’t know about this conversation. They didn’t need to, in fairness. Instead, they make their way through to the bedroom after a moment. The door is barely closed before Gabriel is pulling them into a tight hug.

“Dove…” They murmur. Gabriel lets out a quiet whimper, but Beelzebub hears it. They pull back, finding tears welling in Gabriel’s eyes. Reaching up, they stroke their thumb over his cheeks, wiping away the tears as they fall.

“I love you, my dove” They promise. Gabriel nods, pressing his lips against their forehead for a moment. He shifts to sit on the edge of the bed with a slight groan. Beelzebub frowns slightly, raising an eyebrow.

“I ache” Gabriel clarifies, _probably because I spent more than twelve hours collapsed in a forest, surrounded by damp, dirt and more. No wonder I ache so much._

“Lay down, I’ll give you a quick massage” They suggest. Gabriel nods, shifting to lay down.

“I’ll need you naked” They chuckle.

“Bee… won’t it be too much?” Gabriel asks.

“No dove. With you, it’s not too much…” They promise. Gabriel nods, easing his loungewear off. He lays on his front, and a moment later, Beelzebub is straddling his hips.

Their hands work wonders over his back, chasing away the aches and pains that have lingered for a while, only aggravated by today’s misadventure. Beelzebub drags their hands up to Gabriel’s shoulders, though they freeze when they realise how much of a sensitive spot that they’ve touched.

The jagged scar of where his wings once lingered is still heavy, and Beelzebub isn’t sure whether or not touching them is too much for Gabriel.

“Dove…” They murmur. Gabriel shrugs slightly, he isn’t entirely sure what to say. It doesn’t hurt, to think about it, but it’s not a nice thing to think about either. It just _is._

“Do you want to stop?” Beelzebub asks, shifting to look at Gabriel. He gives a slight shrug in response; he really doesn’t know.

“Okay, we’ll stop then” They murmur. Gabriel smiles, pulling them into a tight hug that has them both giggling. _They hadn’t expected to be yanked how they were, okay?_

Gabriel smiles softly, pressing a light kiss to their forehead as he curls up around them.

“You’re warm…” He mumbles. Beelzebub smiles, trailing their fingers down his back. Gabriel purrs under their touch.

“I’m yours dove” They promise.

“If you’ll have me” They add.

“As you are, now and forever” Gabriel responds, squeezing them in his arms. Beelzebub smiles slightly, flicking the lamp off. It only takes a few moments for them to be shifting until Gabriel is the little spoon.

“This is new…” They murmur, pressing a soft kiss to the spot below Gabriel’s ear.

“There’s not a problem, is there?” He asks, with a slight smirk. _Of course there isn’t, there never will be._

“Never, my love” Beelzebub responds, pulling the duvet closer as they wrap themself around Gabriel, sharing warmth until they both fall asleep together. The light of the moon shines over their body, highlighting how they’re wrapped around each other, with smiles on their faces, caused only by the presence of the other.

Aziraphale can feel the bubble of love that emanates from the bedroom, it fills the flat and further afield, leaving a small smile on his face. He looks down to the way Crowley is wound around him, before deciding to also fall asleep.

Tomorrow can wait for another day.


End file.
